TzaoTao

Hi, sorry I haven't gotten back to you before, I've had a lot on my plate recently, and it's not going down for the time being.

But back to your stories (Not alone parts 3-4)

I like the idea of Blitz and Verosika breaking up and Blitz then getting Loona, and Barbie being involved with Blitz and Verosika (not so much that she goes to dating Verosika, it's really low of someone to go after their siblings' ex). Not a big fan of how easily they seem to patch things up, Blitz is shut in with his emotions, so it feels out of character that he's being so open with Verosika. She too, would hold back in front of him, at least a bit.

Some things about your writing style bothers me somewhat, like writing exactly what the character feels and reacts, but that's not a big deal, it's hard to describe feelings with physical reactions and give the reader the idea without explaining it in detail.

Minor things are grammar, like switching from "says" and "said" within a few sentences or perhaps the most important bit: when a character have is saying something and begin a new sentence, make a small break with what the person is doing, their expressions, or how those they're talking to reacts. A good example of this is in part 3 where Blitz recounts how his circus burned and basically goes from line to line, with nothing in between.

I hope this helps.